5 things I’ve learned working in a gay bathhouse

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If you want to get up-close-and-personal with man-on-man sex, there’s few better places to do it than in a bathhouse.

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A bathhouse is sometimes referred to as a sauna – they’re similar to cruising bars or sex-on-premises venues. It’s where guys go to have sex with other guys.

For the past four months, I’ve been working as a receptionist at Sweatbox in London. Located in Soho – London’s gay village – Sweatbox is a gay bathhouse. Spread out over three floors, there’s a big jacuzzi, a steam maze, a dry sauna, showers, dark rooms, cabins, glory-holes, and swings. It’s open 24-hours a day, every day of the year.

When you enter Sweatbox, you take everything off and just wear a towel as you navigate your way through the venue. Sex happens anywhere and everywhere.

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As a customer, I really like bathhouses. I like the functionality of it all – there’s no messing around, everyone is there for the same thing. When I saw that Sweatbox was recruiting for staff, I thought it would be a fun place to work. I also thought that it would be cool to work in a place where you’d constantly be surrounded by a fairly intense sexual energy.

It’s a decision that I don’t regret, and I’m still enjoying working there. Here’s a few of the things that I’ve learnt on the job so far.

1. Guys come in all shapes and sizes

It’s stating the obvious, but the men who want to have sex with other men don’t have a particular look. The guys that come into a bathhouse are all ages, all professions, all backgrounds, all body shapes and sizes. Some are kind of macho, some aren’t. Some guys look like porn-stars, most guys don’t.

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That diversity naturally extends to their dicks. I thought I’d seen a lot of cock in my time, but since working in a bathhouse it’s been a total dick-fest. Some guys like to keep their towels tightly wrapped around themselves, but most don’t. I’ve seen dicks that are soft, hard, and every degree in between. Cut dicks, uncut dicks, big dicks, small dicks, and lots of average-sized dicks.

I wouldn’t say that I’ve become desensitised by the sight of a cock, but seeing so many dicks on a day-to-day basis has given me an appreciation that all dicks look slightly weird but undeniably appealing.

2. There’s always someone who wants what you want

I’m often surprised by who hooks up with who in the bathhouse. The guys that you think are going to be power-tops often aren’t. Big muscular guys often seem to be looking for something completely different. It’s hard to predict. But what’s always interesting to me is that when you go to a bathhouse, there’s pretty much always going to be someone there who is looking for what you’re offering. If you want to lie back in a sling and let guys go to town on you, you’ll soon have a queue of eager volunteers. If you want to take the position at a glory-hole, there’ll be no shortage of guys looking for an anonymous cock-sucker. If you want to get sweaty with someone in the sauna, there’ll be someone ready to turn up the heat with you.

3. A busy bathhouse doesn’t increase your chances of getting laid

When I’m working reception at the bathhouse, I’m generally the first person that the customer sees – I’m the one who meets them at the door, takes their money, and gives them a towel and a locker-key.

One of the most frequent questions that I get asked by guys as they’re coming in is – Is it busy?

Sweatbox has 300 lockers, and it’s rare that they’re all fully occupied. Obviously, some nights are busier than others. But the answer is also relative – if it’s 2 AM on a Tuesday night, how busy do you expect it to be?

What I’ve found, however, is that your chances of getting laid really aren’t increased by whether or not there’s a lot of other guys in the bathhouse. We tend to find that if it’s busy, there’s a lot more wandering around, trying to figure out where the best action is. When things are a bit quieter, the vibe is a bit more relaxed and you’re just as likely to find the right guy to give you what you’re looking for.

4. Douching is something that all guys should know about

I’m not particularly squeamish – the reality of anal sex is that sometimes things can get a bit messy. But, working in a bathhouse, I’ve seen a lot of shit in places where shit really isn’t supposed to be. It’s undeniably a bit of a boner-killer.

What this indicates is that guys are going to a bathhouse and looking for anal sex, but not necessarily doing the preparation required. You’ve got to be feeling clean and confident.

While it’s true that you can get fucked quite successfully without have douched in advance, if you’re going to get fucked in a relatively public space it’s a good idea to make sure that you’re cleaned-out and good to go.

A portable douche is a sensible investment. Another option is to use a decent-sized dildo to work yourself over before heading to the bathhouse. This will ensure that you’re clean, confident, and stretched and ready for action.

5. Knowledge about STIs is still really patchy

If you’re sexually active and you’re not necessarily having monogamous sex with the same partner every time, then you need to be getting regularly tested for STIs. It’s that simple.

I’m constantly surprised by the guys using the bathhouse who seem to think that they’re somehow immune from STIs, or that the rules about testing don’t apply to them.

Even if you don’t identify as gay, you’re still susceptible to STIs. Also, you may be protected against HIV through PrEP or TasP, but that doesn’t protect you against other STIs such as gonorrhea or shigella. I even had one guy ask me if you could catch HIV by sharing a bottle of poppers.

Educate yourself. Get tested. Get tested regularly.

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26 COMMENTS

  1. I’m not a bathhouse kind of guy (except as an inexpensive “hotel” to use for sex), but I definitely understand the appeal of and need for them. Aside from highlighting once again the degree of ignorance in the gay “community”, I found this interview a little too basic.
    I appreciate the need for these basic level, easy to understand, “entry level” pieces, however, maybe once in a while they could be interspersed with some at least “intermediate level” material.

    • Yeah. It was a bit odd to read “Guys come in all shapes and sizes” and, just a few sentences later, “Some guys look like porn stars, most guys don’t.” And, pretty much all the pics show guys who definitely fall more on the “porn stars” end of the spectrum. No one in the pics looks over-50 (I’d be surprised if anyone’s over 40); no one who would fall on the “overweight” (much less “obese”) end of the BMI.
      It’s not really a slam on the piece but it WOULD be nice if the pictures accompanying the article sort of supported the written information.

    • You should give it a try peterjohnson, most bathhouses are fairly relaxed places. I was apprehensive before my first visit and just went and checked out how it all worked without actually hooking up with anyone. I went back soon after, feeling more confident that I knew how it all worked and what I was doing. Gareth.

      • This is true.. Most bathhouses are extremely friendly and most fairly relaxing with great staff. While I was on vacation I took my Step-Brother out to his first Bathhouse experience.. let’s just say he has a new nickname now… hahaha..

        But I agree people should at least give it a try and experience something new, oh and fair warning, most Bathhouses that supply free condoms are LATEX.. so if you’re allergic to Latex I highly suggest bringing your own unless you like to BB :). Have a pleasurable time guys.

        -Tony.

  2. As an androgynous gay male, I’ve been asked to leave a bathhouse once simply because I look too feminine– they jumped straight to the trans conclusion just to dismiss me, and I couldn’t get a word in edgewise; and let me highlight, the trans journey should be respected as much as anyones journey, but personally it is the farthest from where my journey through life is headed– so it’s beyond unfair to assume that I’m “seedy” or “trying to trick guys”, simply because my biology looks more ‘feminine’ than most.

    This Masc for masc culture in our LGBTQIA+ family is really growing to become something ugly and gross, and I’m not saying your preference for masculine men should be dismissed, I’m used to no one asking me out on a date, or wanting to touch me, I just want the chance to exist among you like everyone else.. and I can only do so much from the outside to help that, so hopefully someone sees this, and urges a change from the inside of the community, slowly but surely. I know I’m already not welcomed in the straight world, that’s been pointed out to me more than enough times lately, but it would be.. amazing.. to feel welcomed where I’m told I belong.

  3. Stopped going to boathouses several years ago. I found most guys are looking for the younger guys. Damn us old guys need it too and most of us have lots of experience, although our bodies are is pretty. Hell to get old for sure.

  4. I remember my first visit to the baths was little nervous but one the workers gave me tour and felt at ease. Being on the slim side I have always been welcomed. We all come all shapes and sizes.

  5. Agree with everything u said on bath houses/saunas. Was a frequent visitor in my younger youth but less interested as a older guy. I found the sex was good years ago some men could be like dogs on heat. But now it seems more guys are very fussy with who they are going to go with. That’s fine each to their own. I agree with the comments on personal hygiene with some guys not bothering to douche worst still guys guys that haven’t showered and jump straight into the jacuzzi with other men having sex and leaving it like a fish pond full of cum. Also I have found the cost of these saunas is very expensive especially in London . So if guys are wondering why the sauna is not always busy that could be one reason.

    • Thanks for sharing your experiences big_black_boy! Yes, cleaning out the jacuzzi is not one of my favourite jobs. Gareth.

  6. I don’t so much like posed pics with the guys looking at the camera. A little more reality with cocks showing please.

  7. I agree with everything written and particularly find that the busier it is the more people think there must be something better round the corner and so everyone is roaming round doing nothing. I’ve stopped going at weekends , particularly Sunday when a lot of people are drug-fucked and find its much more relaxed on a weekday afternoon.

  8. Agree with joeynmtgy8, not a slam on the written piece, but it would have been nice if the editorial staff had read it and posted pics that were in spirit with the piece. Five pics posted, and only one person of color in those pics. This site, for that matter sites for saunas, all default to photos of a generic looking type of white guy, who you’ll see in a sauna, but that’s the exception and not the standard at most saunas. Agree too with with big_black_boy and arsebuster that men gravitate to younger men, but my partner and I have found that with patience, and like this article states, there’s always someone wanting what you have to offer Hookups might not be as fast and frequent, but they do happen.

    • Hi assbear, that’s good feedback. The photos used were my choices, but I only had limited options available from Sweatbox. Totally agree that they’re not a particularly good representation of the diversity that you generally find at a bathhouse. Gareth.

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