In much of the porn that we watch, group sex seems to be everywhere. Whether it’s some dude getting gang-fucked in a sling, a free-for-all in a hotel room, or just a casual fourgy in a hot tub, everyone’s having group sex, right?
While group sex is relatively easy to find if that’s what you want, the reality is that most of our sexual encounters are one-on-one. You may have experienced the occasional threesome, but if you’re wondering what it might feel like to add more bodies to the mix, we’ve got you covered with some helpful tips on how to survive your first gay orgy.
What is a Gay Orgy?
The word orgy can be used to refer to any activity that you’re undertaking with intensity or to excess. In the sexual context, that means that you’re having a lot of sex with a lot of people.
If it’s just you and one other guy, that’s a lot of fun, but it’s not an orgy.
If it’s you and two other guys, that’s a threesome – lots of fun but not an orgy.
If it’s you and three other guys, that’s a fourgy – you could argue that a fourgy is excessive and intense enough to qualify as an orgy. A fourgy is definitely orgy-adjacent, but it is not technically an orgy.
We don’t make the rules, but the gay consensus is that to call a sexual encounter an orgy, your minimum number is five – that’s you plus at least four other guys.
If we’re being pedantic about the definitions of group sex, there are some nuances. An orgy is different from a gang-fuck or a gang-bang. If it’s a gang-fuck, one guy is the centre of attention and everyone fucks him. At an orgy, you’d expect things to be a bit more organic and free-flowing – everyone having sex with everyone else, in a range of various positions and configurations.
Did the Ancient Greeks invent gay orgies?
The Greeks get credit for a lot of things, and there seems to be plenty of documented evidence that they were admirably enthusiastic about orgies.
The word “orgy” is a Greek word – it’s derived from “orgion” – and was incorporated into the English language somewhere in the 1560s.
While the Greeks may have helped share their passion for group sex with the world, they certainly didn’t come up with the idea.
Historians seem to be able to find examples of sexual orgies in pretty much every ancient civilization through the ages.
What’s interesting is that the sexual excess of an orgy was generally linked to some spiritual experience or form of worship. Whether that’s a festival celebrating a particular deity or part of mystical rites to expand consciousness and connect with the divine, the heightened sexual energy unleashed during an orgy was recognized as a powerful force.
There is some suggestion that channelling people’s sexual excesses into an orgy as spiritual worship was a way of helping everyone to let off steam, preventing those impulses and desires from undermining the order and structure of day-to-day life. It’s perhaps a parallel we can see with our own experience of sexual excess today – if you hit a circuit party hard, then you can go back to work and focus on the spreadsheets that pay the bills and keep the economy functioning.
Is an orgy high-risk sex?
If you’re a risk-averse person, you’ll be approaching any sexual encounter with an element of caution.
Potential consequences that you’ll be conscious of could include acquiring an STI, exposure to drug use, and issues around consent.
Those same consequences apply to an orgy, but there is an amplification effect because of the number of people involved.
Sexually Transmitted Infections
Getting tested regularly is your best defence against STIs, but there’s a chance that the guys you’re having sex with at an orgy might not have tested recently and might not know what they’re bringing to the party.
We can effectively neutralize the risk of HIV transmission through the use of PrEP and TasP, but other STIs may be a bit trickier to avoid.
You’re unlikely to see condoms being used at an orgy, but condoms aren’t particularly effective at protecting you against things such as Chlamydia
or Shigella.
There is a vaccination available that provides some protection against Gonorrhea, so it’s worth getting if you can access it.
You may want to have a course of DoxyPEP on hand to try and eliminate any potential infections that you may have come in contact with during the sweat and sex of the orgy.
Drug use
There’s nothing new about combining sex and drugs – particularly when we want to lose our inhibitions or heighten the pleasure we’re feeling.
However, the rise of the chemsex scene – also described as “High and Horny” or “Party and Play – has made drugs such as Crystal Methamphetamine, Mephedrone, GHB/GBL fairly ubiquitous, and you’ll often encounter them at a house-party where guys are getting together for sex.
These drugs are highly addictive and come with significant health risks.
If you want to enjoy an orgy without the drugs, look for guys who are into “sober sex”.
Consent
When you’re having a one-on-one encounter with a guy, consent is generally fairly straightforward to navigate. Am I into this? Is he into this? Is this what we want to do together?
Involving more bodies in the equation can make communication a bit more difficult, and you may feel less clear about what you’ve consented to with whom.
Most orgies operate based on implied consent. By entering the space – by getting naked and getting involved – you’re pretty much signalling that you’re up for whatever is going down, with the guys that are in the room.
However, it’s important to remember that you can withdraw your consent at any time, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to or that makes you feel uncomfortable.
A simple “no” carries a lot of power at an orgy. But you don’t have to use your words – a shake of the head, or a strategically placed hand should be a sufficient signal to ensure that you’re not getting more than you bargained for.
How many loads do I have to take at an orgy?
There are no rules or expectations around performance at an orgy.
Unless you’ve advertised yourself as a pump-and-dump specialist aiming to set a new world record, no one is going to care how many loads you take or give or whatever the fantasy is.
What people will be conscious of is the energy that you bring to the orgy. You want to be a good guest. You want to be invited back.
Being a good guest at an orgy isn’t about what you look like; it’s how you make other people feel.
Be warm, open, and tactile. Be relaxed. Don’t be in a hurry, don’t be aggressive, don’t be impatient.
You may find that it takes you a little while to warm up at the orgy – that’s totally normal. You need to be comfortable enough to connect to the sexual energy in the room.
Try to match the vibe of the other guys. If everyone is getting naked and masturbating to kick things off, go with that. If everyone is making out and getting horny, give that a go. Don’t overthink things.
Don’t be sulky if the guy that you want to have sex with doesn’t seem to want to have sex with you. Find a connection with someone else in the room, or if it’s fucking with your head, then cut your losses and leave.
It’s always best to approach an orgy with low expectations – that way you won’t be disappointed if it doesn’t live up to your porn-fuelled fantasies, but you’ll remember it forever if it does.
How Do I Find Gay Group Orgies?
Your orgy options are likely to be shaped by what’s available to you where you live.
A simple solution is to head to your local bathhouse or sex-on-premises venue. Orgies aren’t guaranteed, but you’ll be in a space where numerous men are getting naked and looking for sex, so a lot of the hard work has been done for you.
Hook-up apps such as Squirt are probably the most efficient way to sort out the logistics of an orgy. Either search for guys who are hosting an orgy, or organize your own by inviting multiple guys over. Be proactive – add something into your bio about looking for group sex, but also search for guys who have made it clear that they’re up for some orgy fun. Send some DMs, start the conversation.
