Anal sex is often seen as the definitive form of gay love-making. You might think, and be pressured to think, that if you’re not doing it, be you top, bottom or versatile, you must be some sort of second rate closet case. But is it for you? It can hurt (a lot) at first, comes as something of a shock to the system, and might well be termed an acquired taste. If you fancy it, here are a few tips on how to begin to acquire it.

Spend time on your own discovering your anus before having sex with others. Run a bath and get naked. Go to the toilet. Then put some lube on a finger, work it around the outer anus, stay there awhile, and start pushing it in.

The sensations you get might already be quite intense. If you’re unsettled, use your other hand to masturbate and reassure yourself with feelings with which you’re familiar. Allow yourself to enjoy the new feelings. Relax and feel free to fantasise. Explore and get a sense of the shape and texture inside you. Then, when you’re comfortable, try inserting a second finger. Be careful, but rest assured your anus can certainly cope with this.

When you withdraw you might feel you want to defecate again. This is normal. Probably nothing will happen. If anything does, don’t worry. It will clean up when you’re done and there’s no shame attached. It’s just a reflex reaction.

You might also want to experiment with something more life-size. If so, use a proper dildo – not a deodorant canister or a cucumber. You don’t want to scratch the lining of your anus or have something nasty break off in there. And, yes, the guy in the sex shop may well take one look at you and know exactly where it’s going to end up. But so what? He’s seen it all already. Just acknowledge to yourself that you’re doing this as part of your exploration of yourself as gay.

QUEERTY: Asian-American adult entertainer and bodybuilder Peter Le (pictured) says he wants to “redefine the Asian male as a dominant sexual force and unleash him on the world” in a new interview with Queer Hong Kong.

The California native burst onto the adult entertainment scene in 2001 when he appeared in a spread for Playgirl. He did in his first solo adult film shortly after that and quickly become one of the leading Asian gay porn stars in the industry, as well as a gay cultural icon in China.

Le says stereotypes of Asian men being quiet, feminine, and submission have plagued him for years. To combat this, he launched the NSFW site PeterFever, one of the top Asian gay porn websites in the United States, in 2008.

“PeterFever features five-foot-four Asian guys topping muscular, six-foot-one Caucasians,” Le explained. “We’re showing that this happens and that there are options out there. Asian men are sexy – and I want us in the spotlight.”