Whether you want to be a gay vers pro, or you’re a gay power-bottom who wants to see the other side of things, topping a hot gay date doesn’t have to be rocket science – you just need some willingness to take your red rocket to new terrains.

In this article, we discuss some helpful tips for when you’re topping for the first time. We’ll also look at how you can be a better top when you’re worshipping the hole of a seasoned power-bottom.

How to Top When Gay

For many guys, butt sex is one of the best bits about man-on-man action or a gay anal hookup. When we’re talking about sex, we often use the short-hand terminology of Top and Bottom to clarify who’s doing what to whom, or what we’re feeling like in the moment.

These aren’t binary identities. You might get some guys who describe themselves as “exclusively Top” or “exclusively Bottom”, but you’ll have better sex if you’re open to pleasure from all angles. You really need to have skills that you can adapt to whatever the situation requires.

Sure, you might have a preference. But the more you can understand about how to give and receive pleasure, the more fun you’ll have.

Today, we’re focusing on how to Top another guy. If you’re the Top, that means that you’re pushing your cock into the other guy’s ass. The guy that’s taking your cock is the Bottom.

But there’s more to Topping than just getting hard and sticking it in. Let’s get into it.

Foreplay and Lube!

Foreplay and lube are two essential ingredients for great anal sex.

The objective of both is to make sure that your Bottom is relaxed, receptive, and ready to take your cock up their ass.

Go for a good quality lube and use lots of it. There’s lots of different types of lube out there – experiment and find one that works best for you. Talk about it with your Bottom – they might have a preference. Great lube means great sex.

From a foreplay perspective, your focus – as the Top – should be on your Bottom’s ass. Using your fingers is fine, but you really need to put your mouth to work. You need to be rimming your Bottom’s ass until he’s begging for you to fuck him.

Rimming isn’t just licking his fuck-hole. You want to bring variety to your rimming technique – kiss, spit, bite, chew – work his hole from every angle and get that tongue in deep.

Listen to Your Partner

Communication is really important. Listen for verbal cues and look for visual cues.

At the beginning, your questions might be along the lines of – “Is this okay?” “Does that feel good?”

As your encounter progresses, you might be looking for indicators on how rough you should be – “Like that?” “Harder?”

Equally important is checking in to make sure that you’re both in the same head-space – “Need some more lube?” “Want some water?” “Want to take a break?”

How to Accommodate a Gay Power Bottom

Hooking up with a guy who describes himself as a power-bottom can be a bit intimidating. Often, the temptation is just to try and fuck him really hard – pound him relentlessly like a fuck-machine.

While some guys are into that, and most guys will enjoy a bit of that at some stage, even a power-bottom is going to want some variety from you.

You always want to start off fairly slow. You need to make sure that your Bottom’s sphincter is relaxed and accommodating before attempting anything too intense. The more relaxed your Bottom’s butt gets, the more options that you’ll both have.

Lots of communication is good at this stage. You’ll have a sense of how your Bottom’s body is responding, but listen to his verbal cues – he’ll let you know when he’s ready for more.

Don’t Just Stand There

Just because you’re the Top doesn’t mean that you have to do all the work. You can expect your Bottom to be actively moving into different positions. But you do need to take charge.

Don’t be a passive top. You’re the one delivering the dick-down. Your Bottom is going to want to feel your power and your presence. Spit in his face, slap his ass, and let him feel every inch of you.

Talk Dirty

A bit of filthy talk during sex can be a great way to turn up the heat and make sure that you’re both on the same page.

But it’s probably best to start mild and then crank up the raunch if you see that it’s getting a positive response.

Even if you feel that your pre-hookup chat has set the tone, just because your Bottom DMd you that he wants you to ruin his cunt doesn’t necessarily mean that you open with that as soon as you get down to business. Online conversations are different from real-life conversations.

It’s also important not to impose your fantasies onto your Bottom. It might turn you on to talk filthy about how stretched and loose your Bottom’s fuck-hole is, but that could be perceived as a negative comment or a form of slut-shaming.

Take your cues from what your Bottom is saying. If he’s calling his but tight, go with that. If he’s calling it loose, go with that. Language matters.

Accommodate His Angles

To be a good Top, it helps to have at least a basic understanding of the male body. Anatomy diagrams are a good starting point to understand how everything fits together, but the important thing to remember is that we’re all built slightly differently and so our ass play might need to be adapted or adjusted.

When you’re Topping, it’s a good idea to be thinking about your Bottom’s prostate. This is a major pleasure spot. One of your primary goals when you’re Topping is to try and stimulate your Bottom’s prostate.

Being able to hit the prostate as you fuck your cock into him is one of the reasons that it’s a good idea to experiment with different positions.

Remember, regularly asking: “Does that feel good?” can ensure that you’re both getting what you want out of this encounter and you’ll quickly get a reputation as Top of the Tops.

Ryan Stanford may not be a name that you may not immediately recognise in the context of gay porn, but you’ve probably seen Ryan’s work.

Based in LA, Ryan is a photographer and filmmaker – specialising in the men of gay porn. But it’s a career path that Ryan has discovered almost by accident.

I caught up with Ryan to hear his story.

A new creative outlet

“I was working in interior design in West Hollywood…” explains Ryan, when I ask how he discovered his passion for photography. “The firm that I was working for was taken over and became corporate overnight. It made me realise that I needed a new hobby. I started walking through the different neighbourhoods in Los Angeles – nobody walks in Los Angeles. I was focusing on architecture, taking photos on my phone and posting them to Insta.”

“The Instagram really took off, so I decided that I needed to learn how to take photos. It wasn’t even imposter syndrome, it was the reality – I had a successful photography blog on Insta and I had no idea about photography. I bought a real camera and began learning – I taught myself from the ground up. I am an autodidact.”

“I’d taken some headshots for a friend. He was doing a queer cabaret downtown. For one of his performances, the photographer that he normally booked couldn’t make it, so he asked if I could come to the show and take some photos. I said yes, but I had to learn how to do that – I’d really only ever taken photos of buildings, this was completely different. I was really nervous about it, but he liked the photos. That led me to start taking social media photos and head-shots of all the performers at the club – everyone and their dogs. In LA, dogs have head-shots.”

“I submitted some photos to Eroticco magazine. I was so elated when I got their email saying yes, they wanted to feature my work. That was a big step for me – it raised my profile. I started taking more pictures of naked boys. I also submitted to DNA and they published – as a non-photographer who had just sort of stumbled into this, that was huge validation. I’ve always been interested in art and visual imagery – photography was enabling me to explore a creative side of me that had previously been untapped. I was putting my heart and soul into this work.”

Learning on the job

“When Covid hit and everything shut down, I had nothing to do. Joel Someone came to stay with me for a bit and we decided to start an OnlyFans. He helped me to figure out how to film for porn. We started filming with guys in LA. People started asking me to film for them.”

“A porn production company asked me to create some work for them. Freelancing for them got me a GayVN nomination. I’ve earned it but I still pinch myself.”

“I like having my name on the content that we produce, but it sets a very high bar. It’s got to be good. I can see myself getting better and better, but there’s a lot of competition.”

“When I’m photographing guys, I draw on Playgirl and art historical references. In terms of film, I look more to European filmmakers that have more of an art-house approach to sex and nudity.”

“What’s been great has been finding a small group of guys that I consistently work with – this includes Eddie Burke, Brogan, Ian Holms, and Drew Valentino. I know how to shoot them – I know their angles, I know how they move, I can anticipate what they’re going to do. That reflects in the quality of the work that we create – because of the relationships that we’ve built. It’s definitely a collaboration. Working with big-name performers helps to ensure that your work is seen.”

“I love working with Ryan – he’s super-accommodating and easy to work with…” confirms Drew Valentino, when we ask for his perspective. “Our work always feels like a collaboration between artists, and I’m always extremely happy with the results.”

“Ryan is my go-to when I’m filming…” confirms Eddie Burke. “He’s got an eye for what makes great content. I never have to worry about the output when I work with him, I can just focus on what I’m doing and trust he’s capturing the best of it for the audience. He’s got great energy and ideas. We’ve learned how to work together and have a really good groove at this point.”

“The best thing about working with Ryan is the consistency in his professionalism…” says Ian Holms. “He’s always on time, and always shoots quality content and always gets me a solid edit of the shoot back way before I even need it. He’s easy and fun to work with which makes the often quite sensitive work we do a lot less challenging.”

A focus on quality

“I produce and edit my films as if the viewer is going to sit there and watch the entire thing – from the very beginning through until the end of the credits. Every detail matters to me – the transitions, the flow, the story. But nobody watches porn like that – they skip to the bit that they want to see.”

“I want people to appreciate the quality of what we’re producing – that they can see that I care about the content, that I’ve put work into it, that I’ve thought about it. I instinctively follow the action but there’s always an intention – there’s a purpose why I’ve gone with that angle or that shot.”

Plans for the future

“I’d like to get my photography featured in more magazines…” says Ryan, when I ask about his plans for the months ahead. “But publications don’t exist any more like they used to. I’d like to do some more fashion photography, and to incorporate fashion into erotic films.”

“In terms of films, I’d like to create work that is more ambitious and more artistic. Pedro Almodovar is my favourite filmmaker – the colour and pizazz and zest. His films have a lucious and sumptuous earthiness, he has a feel for concepts and character. But I’m also influenced by Madonna’s SEX book, Dieux du Stade, and my study of Art History – so I also want to push in those directions.”

“I have big plans – I’m just getting started.”

Follow Ryan Stanford on Twitter

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Written by Gareth Johnson