Ever catch your reflection in the mirror and think, damn, I’d tap that?
As men into men, we have a special privilege – often we can find our bodies hot AF and get off just by looking at ourselves. Who wouldn’t want to be dickmatized by his hotness?
If you want to create a deeper connection with your erotic self, this article invites you to find lust and power in self-exploration.
Solo play can be a sexy tool for building self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence. At the foot of this article, I’ve included 3 Beginner Steps for Mirror Work and 6 Self-Coaching Sessions for Self-Lust I’ll share that Day 5: Cock & Talk is a fave of mine and my clients!
To start, we’ll pull some inspo from guys who are experts at fucking themselves.
Autosexuality and Gay Sexual Attraction
Autosexuality is a term used to describe a person who is above all sexually attracted to themselves. This can take many forms, from fantasizing about oneself to fucking oneself. I absolutely have autosexual tendencies in my fluid sexuality ecosystem. Like other orientations, there is a spectrum:
A. Autoerotic guys may ‘bate solo only when other alternatives aren’t available.
B. Some autos may get off by thinking of both themselves and other guys.
C. On the higher end, the possibility of physical, mental, or emotional arousal is only autonomous.
Autoeroticism, a form of ethical egoism, is not a narcissist’s self-centred admiration, vanity, or arrogance. I fall on the autosexual spectrum and being autoerotic or autoromantic also goes way deeper than simply finding yourself attractive or having high-self confidence.
Although we can’t change our sexuality, our sexual personality can evolve, just like our taste buds. Think of it like a kaleidoscope – attraction can take on many different forms and patterns, and each person’s experience of attraction is unique and multifaceted. Inspired by an exceptionally gratifying and frequently orgasmic orientation of self-lust we have the phenomenal potential to be powerfully fulfilled, stable, and enduring.
I once worked with a client who, like many of us, disliked his body, had self-esteem struggles and felt like he wasn’t masculine enough to be attractive to other men. It’s important to note that attraction to masculine characteristics, or androsexuality is complex and can vary greatly, and not all guys into guys may experience any type of self-attraction.
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How Do I Tap Into My Gay Physical Attraction?
When it comes to gay and bi+ or pansexual men, there are certain physical characteristics that we tend to find particularly alluring – what we call “masc features.” These qualities can include things like broad shoulders, defined muscles, body hair, or a strong jawline. Other guys into guys prefer smooth skin, twinkiness, and soft features.
Through mirror work, my client realized that he didn’t need anyone else’s approval to feel sexy and desirable. By lusting through his desires and fantasies, he discovered that he was attracted to his own body and found his masculinity incredibly fuckworthy. This realization allowed him to embrace his own identity and feel more comfortable in his skin.
If you’re ready to embrace your hotness and fearlessly admire yourself in the mirror, imagine a sexy sculptor working on a piece of clay. As he shapes and moulds the clay, he begins to see the strength and beauty in what he is working with. With each stroke of the tool, he gains a sense of mastery and power, and his confidence, like an erection, grows.
Finding Your Erotic Self
By taking ownership of your erotic self, like the sculptor who gains confidence and skill with each stroke of his tool, you can grow your self-esteem through self-lust and empowerment.
Masturbating in front of a mirror can be particularly helpful in this regard, as it allows us to see and appreciate our bodies in a new way. Through playing with our body we discover what brings us pleasure and satisfaction, and we can learn to communicate our desires and needs to ourselves and others. As we become more comfortable with our bodies and our sexuality, we can develop a sense of self-worth and confidence in our sexual selves which extends beyond the bedroom.
Continue reading for 3 Beginner Steps for Mirror Work, or skip to 6 Self-Coaching Sessions for Self-Lust.
As you explore these techniques and practices, remember that the goal is not necessarily to have a specific outcome or experience, but rather to deepen your connection with yourself and your body.
3 Beginner Steps for Mirror Work
1. Find a comfortable space where you can be alone with a mirror. Create a relaxing atmosphere. Begin by simply looking at yourself in the mirror, taking in the curves and contours of your body. Focus on your breath and allow any thoughts or judgments to pass without attachment.
2. As you become more comfortable with the act of looking at yourself, begin to touch your cock, nipples, and hole. Start with light caresses with your fingertips and gradually build to more intense stimulation. Watch yourself in the mirror as you feel your dick, observing the way your body responds to pleasure. Allow yourself to feel lust without judgment or self-criticism.
3. Continue to explore and experiment with different touches and techniques, staying present and attentive to your body and your sensations. Sit down, get on your knees, and lay on your back so you can see your hole. Place a mirror on the floor and stand above it. Have fun and look at yourself through new eyes.
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Regardless of girth, color, length, age, foreskin or lack thereof nearly every man I've worked with feels cock shame
Join me to find lust & power in yourself
Soloplay & Masturbation Mirrorwork can be a sexy tool for building self-worth & self-esteem pic.twitter.com/Ohr6Yyrtn2
— Sex Coach Chris Cherrie (@chrischerrie) May 24, 2023
6 Self-Coaching Sessions for Self-Lust
Day 1: Intention & Objective
Set a goal for building greater self-lust and self-worth through touch, mindfulness, and risk-taking. An example might be:
“I will spend 15 minutes each day for one week playing in front of a mirror in a mindful and non-judgmental way. I’ll try at least one new technique that feels outside of my comfort zone.”
On a scale of 1-10 (1=low 10=high) make a note of where you fall for lust towards yourself at this moment.
Throughout this suggested coaching plan, it is important to stay committed and be compassionate with yourself as you play. Remember that building self-worth is a lifelong journey, and that each step you take is a valuable and empowering one.
Day 2: Observe & Reframe
Examine your internal dialogue and beliefs around touch, attraction, sex, kink, and/or self-worth as you look into the mirror and play with yourself.
As you stroke while staring at your face and body, it’s absolutely okay if things feel awkward, I encourage you to laugh or cry if there is sadness. Regardless of when you cum it’s important to look into your eyes to build self-attachment.
Are there any messages from your past or younger self that are holding you back? How might you reframe these beliefs in a more empowering way? What’s missing from your solo play?
Consider building self-compassion and common humanity skills by reminding yourself that rejection and shame are common human experiences, and that you are not alone.
Examine any thoughts of self-loathing or self-victimization that may be holding you back from building greater self-worth and intimacy. How can you shift into a more empowered and compassionate role?
Day 3: Presence & Exposure
In the mirror, focus on the fuckworthy feelings in your body in the present moment. Have you ever noticed that when you close your eyes your sense of smell or taste increase? Sensory deprivation can help you feel more intensely. Practice breathing exercises before touching yourself.
A large part of my work with clients is partnering with them to feel comfortable naked emotionally and physically. Exposure to things that arouse us on the edge of excitement and fear is part of this. What are you sexually scared to do? What are you scared to see?
Experiment with different touch techniques, pressures, textures, or movements. Lick your feet, smell your pits, eat your cum, slap your balls.
Day 4: Encouragement & Praise
Make a list of the vulnerabilities, insecurities, and limiting beliefs you have about your body, performance, sex, and taboo. Take some of these thoughts and write down the opposite.
For example, if you feel like your penis is inadequate take the phrase, I am small, I wish I were bigger, and write down I love my cock, it’s beautiful and powerful.
Practice saying a few of these out loud, then start your mirror masturbation.
As you’re playing with yourself repeat your new phrases…I love my cock because…I have a massive cock… my ass is beautiful… I am a sex god… I’m a dirty slut who loves to touch myself… my cock feels amazing… men love worshiping my feet… I smell so sexy… I’m so horny right now… I love myself
Compliment yourself, praise yourself, try talking dirty to yourself, and have fun with this! Verbalizing how sexy we are and how good touching ourselves feels is a game-changer.
Day 5: Cock & Talk
This exercise is a bit abstract, and my clients and I have found it liberating! Read these steps and then give it a try.
Get comfortable and hold your soft dick in one hand and place your other hand on your chest over your heart. The point here is not to get hard but to be intimate with your cock.
When do we ever hold our dick other than jerking off or taking a piss? Give him some love! Nearly every man I have spoken to about his cock feels shame regardless of length, girth, curve, colour, age, foreskin or lack thereof.
Think of a time when you experienced shame, rejection, or something similar sexually. What happened, where were you, and what was painful about it?
Now imagine your dick in that scenario. From the point of view of your cock, how did your penis feel? Speak in “I” statements, “I feel inadequate”, “I feel powerless” and “I feel ugly.”
Tell your cock that regardless of that experience, you fucking love him, you fucking worship him and love playing with him, he is one of your best fucking friends if not the best, and you have had some of the most pleasurable experiences in your life with your cock!
Now think of a time when you had a really hot hookup, whether it was cruising in the park or bathhouse, fucking on the floor, or bating with a buddy recall a sexy memory.
Now imagine your dick in that scenario. From the point of view of your cock, how did your penis feel? Speak in “I” statements, “I am having so much fun”, “I feel excited” and “This is hot AF.”
Now think of a fantasy that you have. Dream up a sexy scenario beyond your wildest dreams that you’d love to experience in the future. Imagine your cock in this future reality and listen to what he has to say.
Day 6: Review & Reflect
Review and reflect on the progress you made towards your goal. Did you achieve your goal? What did you learn from the experience? What insights came up? What do you want more of?
On a scale of 1-10 (1=low 10=high) rate where you fall for lust towards yourself.
Remember that building greater self-worth is a journey and that each step you take is a valuable and empowering one.
Coach Chris Cherrie
For over a decade, Chris has empowered gay, bi+ and curious men and couples to develop deeper intimacy with more passionate pleasure, explore kinks & fetishes, open-up relationships, communicate compassionately and repair betrayal and infidelity.
With a science-based, intersectional, trauma-informed, neurodiverse-affirming, and kink-affirming experience, Chris supports and motivates 2SLGBTQIACK+, non-monogamous, and kinky folks in creating the relationships, pleasure, and lifestyle of their dreams through transformative workshops and couple, couple+, and 1:1 coaching sessions.
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A positive self-image is a real asset and self-pleasure gets us tuned in to our own body.