“I thought this was an interesting article by porn actor Dale Cooper (above). What do you think? Leave your thoughts in the comments section.” – Sgt. C
NO FATS OR FEMS by Dale Cooper:
Since the app Grindr made its debut, I have been troubled by a trend I’ve noticed. Let me come out and say that I am by no means unfamiliar with Internet-enabled cruising and the kinds of human interaction they bring about. What I have been confronted with, though, on a continual enough basis to make it undeniably some sort of social phenomenon, is the (at times) overwhelming presence of douchebaggery on the app. There’s a veritable epidemic of it.
I am not the only person to think this is the case. The link is instructive in explaining exactly what makes one a douche, at least in my opinion and that of the site’s readership. It takes the form of asking, in the profile that is broadcast, that certain types of people should not contact the profile owner if they are:
Too short, or too tall (“over 5’7″ and under 6’1”), Asian (“not into rice,” “gook free zone”), fat (“175lbs or less”), fem (“no broken wrists,” “masculinity is not subjective”), black (“no chocolate,” “All blacks, keep moving cuz I ain’t interested unless u can prove not all blacks are the exact same mkay?”), not as hot as the profile owner, Latino, ugly, hairy, old (“no older than 30”), closeted, uncloseted, bisexual, not bisexual, not a college guy, not a jock, a fag, into the scene, a ginger, Catholic, Republican, not “musc,” not “prof,” not “VGL.”
The takeaway from these attempts at filtering contact for me is the incredible degree of specificity that some Grindr users want in the types of other human beings saying “sup” to them. There is also the suggestion that the speech act itself could be some form of violation. Of particular note is the phrase “not into,” taken to mean not sexually interested in.
It is not the fact that some people are “not into” certain types of other people that perplexes me. It is instead the incredible brazenness with which people will associate pejorative views of others with their publicly visible identity. Most troubling is the ease with which some profiles will confess extreme prejudice or use racist epithets, somehow made allowable as a language of sexual attraction or personal preference.
(Can’t resist adding a few pics of the writer of this article… SGT. COACH fave Dale Cooper.)
The larger question is whether this phenomenon is specific to the app, or if it just finds its most easily seen form in Grindr. Unfortunately and of course it is the latter. There is something about the blend of social-media publicity and a paradoxical pretension to anonymity fostered by the Internet that is enabling of things like trolling.
Yet the things placed on these profiles would not be readily said at the outset of conversation or, arguably, read of a person. One possible explanation may be that, before lines of code and satellites enabled it, these interactions had to take place where physical gay bodies gathered. Grindr delivers heads and torsos in the space of a smartphone screen. In an interesting twist, Grindr is still grounded in physical location, since it takes advantage of GPS. It allows bodies of all types to congregate without the usual geographic and social barriers, the placement and accessibility of gay spaces being governed by the usual suspects of history, race and class just like everything else.
Those barriers to access have been altered by technology. That these activities have become dependent on smartphones underlines a new-ish emphasis on the class difference — smartphones and data plans do not come cheap. Ostensibly, though, any body is capable of getting a smart phone and getting on the app, given the right amount of capital. Grindr, for better or worse, is now the type of site where gay identification can take place, allowing different generations, classes, races, and orientations to project their bodies onto the Grindr grid and have a look.
Dale Cooper is a sexual health educator, a social worker for HIV/AIDS clients, a porn performer, and a fundraiser for sexual health causes and affordable housing. He continues to study how gay sexuality has been affected by the Internet, and maintains a web presence at www.daledoesporn.com.
I think the writer definitely hit the nail on the head here. It’s the anonymity that allows people to be totally callous. Yes, we all have our types and we should certainly be allowed to express those preferences. I don’t believe in cencorship, but there’s something to be said about tact.
Those kinds of profiles only backfire in the end anyway. I’ve encountered many guys on those sites who claim to be looking for a nice guy “for LTR only”, who then seem perplexed when people only see them as a ‘cum and dump’. You definitely reap what you so. If you present yourself as a ‘douchebag of Grindr’ (and other sites as well), that’s all you’re going to attract in the end.
Gays being a people/subculture/ community (etc.) that has struggled for so long to be accepted into the mainstream culture by biggots, zealots, and the like… it always amazes me how unwelcoming many can be.
We need to stop measuring the metre of a man simply in abs and inches, but through deeper dimensions like political views, lifestyle, etc.
Then again, the app and the people shoudn’t be taken too seriously anyway. Many of us just go on to kill time.
(On a personal note… I’ve found that many people often think they’re a 10 online, but when you meet them in person, it’s a completely different story. So, I just think many guys have their heads up their asses.)
Peace and love 😉
Really and truly i could care less what gay males think(i didnt say men cause their far from being men..biologic males is all i will give them)they have discrimnated against me for half century now…so i could care less if society gives them any rights at all..they are the first to scream for their rights and the FIRST to discriminate..so nothing for them as far as im concerned…keep slogging bitches…a little known secret is that many straight men have a fetish for cdtstv…and they are hot very hot men…make gay men seem like limp disrags in comparison..so go a head and laugh girls..i get some very hot ones…..BELLESTARRR
A big thank you to Dale Cooper for saying what the rest of us are thinking! Cheers to all.
I think that using all those words regarding who you are into and not really is a negative to me. I personally have found that there have been times that I have met and fallen in love with guys that didn’t fit my “type”. I wouldn’t have given them a minute of my time in a bar or social scene….but guess what?….they ended up being the hottest guys I ever met. Much hotter than the pretty boys and guys that think they are all that. I sometimes think gays are worse than straights with regards to the way they treat their own. I frankly have grown older and wiser so when I read these types of ads I automatically sort of block them out. I wonder if others are doing the same and these people don’t realize how many people they are running off that might be great partners and friends…????? Yes I think when you are not face to face you think you can get away with this type of behaviour…sad.
I find gay men discrimination among ourselves the most then straight men.
Fortunately, I have found little that can be construed as racism here. The only thing that smacks of the trolls on Grindr like in the link are those that give long ‘lectures’ on how to read their profile and who should and should not email them. They usually start off with a few lines all in caps..as if a warning….read my profile…then and only then may you consider emailing me. A sad case of overt self importance ( veiled insecurity?)…as if without this self imposed filtering process their email would overflow with adoring fanmail and pleas to worship at their site. Check the number of hits versus the number of feedback commments….they are usually worlds apart….many lookers but few actual meets….the’re too busy looking in the mirror and snearing at the pathetic masses that thought they might be worthy and emailed. Fools!!
When you look at the Douchebags of Grindr webpage, you see just the tip of the iceberg of how nasty and incredibly vain gay and bi men are. Seriously, it’s appalling.
Why anyone would choose to use what my friends and I call the “poster child” of community-fracturing apps — Grindr, though Scruff is not far from it (view their Facebook page and you’ll see why I say that) — I have no idea. I deleted my profile from it and then deleted the app. Give me Growlr, Bendr or Jack’d any day.
How about some decency? If you’re not into a certain race, lifestyle, etc, be polite. A simple, Thanks for your interest but I don’t feel we’re a match. I hope you find someone you’re looking for.
Any time a guy here approaches me I’m not into I always try to be as kind as I can be. He might not ring my bell but I’m certainly not going to make the guy feel repulsive, I’m not Mr. Pornstar, I’ve had many guys hit on me that I never thought I’d turn their head-as an aside, my “first” was a high school jock and I was the overweight outcast but he never made me feel out of his league, I never got it then but now I see he had a different way of seeing things.
Had a guy once that kept messaging me here, despite my telling him he wasn’t for me, he’s a CD and that’s not my thing. I was as kind as I could be and finally blocked him. I have NO issues with those that are into that scene. It takes many types to make this world. But if I politely say no, respect it. I tried being direct and kind, he didn’t get it. But it doesn’t mean I updated my profile and blasted the CD community. I just took the proper measures for me.
To bring it full circle, stop judging every guy just because he doesn’t instantly measure up to the man you’ve created in your mind. We all have good and bad attributes despite our looks, likes, dislikes, hobbies, secrets, etc. Maybe the guy you meet CAN’T be “out”. Don’t judge the guy, learn why. Maybe he doesn’t have the time or money to be Mr. Muscle and Fitness but he tries his best to stay as healthy as he can. Look on the inside, not just the out.
Have I been blunt or direct here? You bet your ass! BUT, the men posted here are to FANTASIZE over. We’re lucky if 0.01% of us meet any of these men here.Its ok to express here. But you also don’t need to drone out about tats, piercings, cock size, cut/uncut. You can slip it in, “too much ink for me, might work for others but not me.” Or just let it go. How quickly we forget the immortal words of Thumper. “If ya can’t say nuttin nice, don’t say nuttin at all.”
Grindar,Growler,Bendar,Jack’d. Boy its nice to be so stupid at times..I don’t know nuttin. Someone pleases explain the terms to me. I do understand the subject matter here (TA TA). We all can be ASSES at times, and I try not to be. My two lovers that I have had ( yes I did have two of them, surpprised me too) were not even what I would even consider to be my type and thank God they weren’t.
no comment !!!
It is really sad that people here and at many other sites of this sort, whether they are gay,bi or even hetero where people list all of the things about others they don’t accept—usually its some superficial quality like if someone is too old, too fat, too hairy, only want cocks (or boobs) of a certain size, etc.
We surely do have this situation at this site.