Ever wondered what Rihanna was talking about when she’s singing that chains and whips excite her?
She’s talking about the thrill of a bit of light BDSM – getting a bit kinky in the boudoir.
Gay bondage is the ideal way to bring a bit of spice and sizzle to your sexual encounters.
If this is new territory for you, we’re going to walk you through some of the bondage basics for bi-curious boys.
Why Should Gay Males Try Kink Bondage?
The world of BDSM is fascinating and complex and worth doing a bit of research about before you reach for the riding crop and start demanding that everyone call you Sir.
There’s a community and culture surrounding BDSM that needs to be respected.
For example, BDSM isn’t always about arousal or getting off. Sure, a lot of it is very sexy but not all kink or fetishes are sexual. Control, restraint, dominance, and submission can take all sorts of forms – many of which have nothing to do with penetration or ejaculation.
BDSM is all about exploring boundaries – understanding your own and respecting the boundaries of others.
The world of kink and fetish and BDSM often feels very polyamorous. Gender and sexuality can play a big role in your kinky sex-play, but the psychology of BDSM may mean that you’re less interested in the genitalia of someone if they’re bringing the energy and the attitude that you’re looking for.
What’s the Science Behind Wanting to Be Bound and Gagged?
Often what we’re looking for from a bit of kinky bondage play is the intensity of the experience. We want to really feel something.
There is some science to back that up – a recent study demonstrated that the way that our brain processes pleasure and pain is fairly similar. We’re looking for the endorphin rush that we get from an intense experience – blurring the line between pleasure and pain until we’re beyond caring which is which.
If you want to unpack the appeal of BDSM with your therapist, a good starting point is the role that control plays in our lives. There’s a common perception that we may be drawn to bondage play because we want to relinquish control. For example, if you’re a big swinging dick in the corporate world, there’s an incredible sense of freedom when you hand control over to someone else and let them take charge.
Or it may be something incredibly primal that appeals to us about bondage. Another study found that female participants who were bound, receiving stimulation, and following orders then showed increased testosterone. How that translates for those of us that like a bit of man-on-man action isn’t particularly clear, but this sounds like the kind of study we’d like to be part of.
Ultimately, the science behind the appeal of BDSM is a bit irrelevant – if you’re into it, that’s cool. Crack on and explore your kink.
How Can I Safely Try Bondage?
In the world of BDSM – at any level – you’re going to hear a lot about consent.
That’s not just some kind of woke political correctness in a post-#MeToo era, consent is the absolute bedrock on which all BDSM encounters are based.
When we’re talking about boundaries, it’s not just about how much your body can physically endure – it’s also about the guidelines that have been set for your kink encounter.
Having a safe-word is an obvious starting point. Go with a safe-word that’s easy to remember and easy to say. Don’t forget to tell your partner what your safe-word is.
A good bondage or discipline session doesn’t necessarily require a lot of gear or equipment, but having a well-stocked kit-bag at your disposal is going to increase your options for pleasure. You might need some bondage tape, rope, handcuffs, or other restraints to help you take control or hand control over to someone else. If you’re planning some penetrative play then you’ll need some decent lube.
Bound and Gagged: Trying Blindfold Kink
A basic blindfold is an easy and fun way to begin to explore some low-level bondage and control.
How do I work with a sexual partner to try blindfold sex?
Like most things in life, when it comes to introducing a blindfold into your sexual play, good communication is going to be really helpful.
Talking about it in advance is a good starting point. Just abruptly pulling out a blindfold and whacking it on your partner may sound spontaneous and fun, but it’s understandably going to raise some alarm bells.
Discussing in advance how it might go down is a great way to build a shared understanding of expectations and boundaries.
Assuming that you’re both on the same page, equip yourself with a blindfold. This could be something as simple as a bandana, or you can check out the enormous range of options at a speciality fetish store.
Once you’re getting down to business and the blindfold is on – remember to get all of their other senses tingling. Touch is key here – explore their body, use your lips, tongue, and unexpected textures and temperatures. Hot tip – an ice-cube on the nipple is always going to get them tingling.
Take your time, move slowly, be in the moment together.
What’s the science behind a Blindfold Kink?
It’s not difficult to appreciate that if you’ve got a blindfold on then your other senses are going to be working overtime to compensate. The science backs this up – in one study around blind people, the part of the brain usually used for vision can be hijacked by other senses, resulting in improved hearing and touch, for example.
When it comes to sex, the blindfold is creating a different and unexpected dynamic – heightening your experience of the sensations that your body is feeling.
Why do some people like being gagged during sex?
Bondage play in sexual encounters is all about the power dynamics between the two of you. Adding a gag into the mix is another way to shake things up a bit and physically demonstrate who is in charge of what’s going down.
Being gagged feeds into our submission fantasies – you’re unable to speak, heightening your sense of helplessness.
There’s lots of different types of gags that you can experiment with. The ball-gag is often referred to – this is a round ball, secured in the mouth with a strap. There’s also gags that keep the mouth open so that oral sex is still possible.
Experienced kinksters may use the blindfold, ball-gag, and restraints all at the same time – delivering effortless domination and control.
Obviously, this is all done with consent. If you’re using a ball-gag then it’s important to find an alternative way to communicate your safe-word – you’ll need to agree a non-verbal cue.
Use Squirt.org to Find a Consenting, Fuckable Adult
If you’re not sure where to find someone ready and willing to experiment with their kinky side, head over to Squirt.org, where it’s easy to find another guy who knows precisely what you like and is happy to submit to whatever you crave.
From IM chats that can help you find the right partner to our video chat that can allow you to test this out virtually before giving the real thing a go, log on to find men that share your kink.
