QUEERTY: It isn’t always easy to talk about body image. On the one hand, we know we can’t live up to the impossibly high bar that’s put out constantly in mainstream media. But on the other hand, we like what we like.
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Really?
No one’s body is perfect especially as one start to age.
Be happy with what the good lord gave you because it’s only going to go down hill from there as time passes.
Amen to the remark by gayplaygay there is no such thing as a perfect body. Self image is so important; we hear about all the young anorexic and bulimic girls who think they are fat and do anything to stay skinny. (I’m sure it isn’t just girls but that is what/who we hear about all the time). Love yourself for being who you are and you will find someone to love you. If all people see is the body you possess and don’t take the time to get to know you it’s their loss. Be confident in who you are; yes if you want to lose a few pounds for your health by all means try to do that, but do it for you not an image you want to portray or think others want. Myself I am well past my prime but have more sex now at my age than i ever did when i was in my 20s. I credit a lot of that cause of sites like squirt and other social media but a big part is i like myself and willing to put myself out there to find who i am looking for
the days of adolescent angst for acceptance are like all things – transitory.
happiness comes from within and not from the superficial evaluations preached by the commercialized drones of an easily distracted society.
remain focused and you will find you are where you need to be.
As queer folk, we really need to start accepting all shapes and sizes. Our flag represents all the colors of the rainbow. We outta practice what we preach, really.
When I was a teen a friend said to me the only time a body look shot naked is when it is a foot away from you, well that’s not altogether true but it doesn’t seem to matter your shape, you can always find someone who is into you!
Self confidence is so essential to the quality of life. It’s our approach and perception to life that gives us satisfaction. I take exception to the comment above that life at some point is downhill. That implies you’ve already peaked in some way and everything to follow is somehow going to be a disappointment to some degree.
I’ve found that each decade both takes away, but also gives something new in return. Maybe we don’t have the hot, tight bod of college, but we have experience and technique now. We’re more aware of who we are rather than worring about how others will superficially perceive us. Young guys now call me ‘Daddy’. I’m fine with that. The fact that they’re hitting on me in numbers says alot. Like another commentor said, sex is better and plenty of it. Each decade is better. If you only concentrate on the loss of youth or whatever and don’t appreciate the here and now, it’s a long grim slide into oblivion and the grave. That was one of the great things about the Bear movement in gay life. Guys were feed up with the endless and unrealistic perceptions of what gay men should look like. Instead, they said “fuck it” and decided to be happy and enjoy life. Worrying about frivolous things and others perceptions of them is being stuck in high school for life. Remember how important some nonsense or person was then…do you remember them now? Just keep moving forward and relishing the moment. When you can accept yourself and make yourself happy, then you can love and make others happy too. Self acceptance should never be an excuse to give up and not improve yourself…life is an ongoing project. It’s the journey with others that ultimately gives us joy and life meaning. It is this self assurance that can help others realize their’s. None of us will ever have the bodies we had when we were 20,30,etc again. So what! Do you need someone unaccepting in your life? Keep fit and healthy as you can and enjoy life’s feast. This isn’t a dress rehearsal. There’s someone for everyone.
Late in life, Mom couldn’t walk any distance without quickly becoming breathless. She was an extrovert and always in some social swirl. Now she sulked at home. I brought her a matte black, low key wheelchair. “Oh no!” She had oddly preconceived notions and would be caught dead in public in one. A month later after it had been sitting in her bedroom, I announced we were going shopping for new clothes she wanted. We would go to an upscale mall 60 miles away where she wouldn’t bump into anyone she knew. She was hesitant when we arrived, but went ahead and thoroughly enjoyed the day. Her fears of everyone staring, pointing or whispering were foolish. She noticed how many other were also in chairs. Everyone else was there doing their own thing, nother strain at her. Her own foolish insecurities had imprisioned her. After that, she was unstoppable again and enjoyed travel till the end.
We get but one go. Don’t look back with regrets. Late in life, the illustrious Thomas Jefferson was asked what was the most exciting time in his life. He quickly answered that it was ‘the future…because that is where I’m going to spend the rest of my life”. He hadn’t peaked and every day was a new adventure. What excellent advice.
Poignant post. I really ballooned up these past few years, more than I wanted to admit. And when I see these guys wanting Channing Tatum or Ryan Reynolds, I say, well…fuck it. I’ve got Internet and a hand. I’m on top of the weight, working diligently since January. But the thing is, when in a setting such as a sauna/steam room when out of the area, despite the extra weight, guys still cruise me. Been told I have a very suckable dick/cock and great tasting cum. But these preconceived notions well all need to look like Sean Cody or Men Over 30 models is a tough pill to swallow.
It’s a very tough world to be part of. I think changes are happening. I’m hopeful of it.
a worthwhile post. I never feel the need to make a critical or negative comment on this forum.. but so many guys do… too hairy, too shaved, meh, nup ,next ,not for me, where are the real men ?, too twinky, pedaphile bait, too old, not old enough… gay men often cant hold back from giving a critique !. so hopefully this will be a reminder to all of us to be more aware that when we are critiquing the men who are showcased on this posting, that they too are human with feelings and insecurities just like others, so be mindful of our words .
These two comments already posted initially are all too true. When I came out in the late 70’s early 80’s, it was not at all the way it is today. Sadly it has gotten worse instead of better.
LGBTQ people are always crying and fighting for their right to equal within the community as a whole, yet in amongst ourselves there is so much discrimination and categorization that it is being more and more impossible to think you fit in anywhere.
Media yes has had some influence in the way a man is suppose to look nowadays but we all know that merely a plastic facade but still more and more men attempt to live up to that criteria. And, for those who are not getting there for whatever reason feel even more extradited from the fold. Which is why I believe you find depression (and dare I say suicide even) in what was suppose to be an all inclusive group.
I for one don’t have this muscled body that every one strives to or strives to get. Some already have it and good for them. But I can understand the plight of those who don’t. Always thinking perhaps it’s because I am larger, or not as hung, etc. etc. that they resort to recluse or no sex at all or merely going to dark dank sex places to get a fix in the dark. Sickens me sometimes thinking of the gay community the way it is today. I don’t see it ever recovering. The article or comment mentioned initially is correct. gay men are shallow AND insecure. Could this cycle ever be reversed and could we ever be redeemed.
Sadly this is very true. if you really stopped and took a look at some of these profiles on here you would see it. Must be height/weight proportionate, well hung, not obese, smooth, etc, etc…And that is why a lot of people feel this way and usually go without sex or have to else where for it.
Meghan Trainor said it best It’s All About the Bass, and to go and tell all those skinny bitches that. And you are Perfect from the bottom to the top. I know that’s just pieces of the song but you get my point we all don’t have to be silicone Ken Dolls(Again I know it’s silicone Barbie Dolls. Just be who you are.
Have to agree with the “shallow” point. I am a big lad, so when I go to saunas the looks and impression I get from some guys did sometimes make me feel pretty down about myself–typically though they give those looks to everyone who isn’t a ripped Adonis, so they obviously have more issues about body image than I do.
Now at a point in my life where I am happier with who I am though.
I’ve said it so many times. We are so used to see stereotypes, fads, merchandise sold by the media that we fail to see the whole person. They become our “preferences” and our own selection criteria to select sex partners. Same thing is happening with sex. It is unbelievable how porno has changed sexual relationships.
@Etinto: exactly how I see it. The right words!
Cool to hear the good comments from everyone here.