The flu is a pain. Aunt Phyllis is just an inconvenience
This article by Kevin Moroso was originally published in Xtra Magazine as part of the Filling Station column.
I hadn’t been feeling well all morning. I sat at my desk at work, feeling nauseated. Every 30 minutes I needed to run to the bathroom. But I was sure it was only momentary, nothing serious.
At lunch, I met up with some coworkers and we headed to the cafeteria. As I sat down with my tray, one of my coworkers said I didn’t look so great. I was pale, sweating, and my eyes were glossed over. Whatever it was, I needed to get out of there. I went back to my desk and told my boss I needed to go home.
As I left the building, the vomiting began — all over the front lawn. For the next two days, this was my life. Even after the symptoms ended, the dehydration left me exhausted for several days more.
It was norovirus. A highly contagious virus I could have caught anywhere — from dining out, from the bus, or just about anyplace else. And no, I didn’t catch it from sex.
Norovirus is an illness I don’t want to get again, though it’s likely I will. We get all sorts of illnesses throughout our lives — many regularly. Norovirus left me unable to go to work or be meaningfully productive; so too does the common cold at times. Illness is a consequence of living. Yet we stigmatize some illnesses, and accept others as normal.
One day, a couple of years ago, I lay on my sofa watching porn. I lay there naked, stroking my cock. As I worked my hand up and down my shaft, I noticed something strange. There was some sort of sore on it. At first I thought I might have been getting too much action. Had I fucked or jerked my dick to the point of abrasion?
Then I remembered something. I paused the porn, opened Google, and did a search. As I scrolled through the pictures I realized this sore could be something else: a chancre — a symptom of primary stage syphilis.
Aunt Phyllis had never paid me a visit before. However, I was aware of her. Considering how sexually active I am, I knew it was only a matter of time before I caught it. I’d already had gonorrhea and chlamydia several times, so it was time I pulled a hat trick.
Fortunately, I had already booked a regular appointment at the HIM clinic for the following day — I go every two months to get tested for HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea and chlamydia.
I got the ever-gorgeous Nurse Alex as usual. His milky smooth skin, dark hair, soothing and soft voice, and emotional detachment always made me enjoy my visits. I told him I’d spotted a sore on my dick and was concerned I could have syphilis. He told me to drop my trousers, which I dutifully did. He grabbed the head of my penis and stretched it out. Hmmmmm, yes, this could be syphilis.
He grabbed a swab, wiped it around the sore, then broke it off into a plastic container. Next, he took my usual blood and urine samples. He told me he guessed there was a fifty-fifty chance it was syphilis. Otherwise, it was just a sore from too much friction.
I cancelled all my dates for the upcoming week, just in case. This wasn’t something I wanted to spread. Not only is that unethical, but I know others aren’t so diligent with their testing. I’m lucky I’m mostly a top — a sore is easy to spot on your dick but not so easy in your ass (or mouth).
Four days later, I got a call from Alex. The test had come back positive for syphilis.
I was actually kind of relieved. I had known this moment would come someday, so I was glad I no longer had to wait in dread. Syphilis was the one I’d feared the most, for a number of reasons. I wasn’t too worried about HIV — I was on PrEP, and I knew lots of people living with HIV. Syphilis, however, has an almost mythical quality to it due to its history of driving people mad.
He gave me some treatment options that would fit around my work. One was to go to the bathhouse Friday night to see a nurse there. The other was to go to the Centre for Disease Control (CDC) clinic on Saturday morning. I liked the idea of getting treated at the bathhouse but, unfortunately, that nurse called in sick, so I was pushed back to the CDC clinic on Saturday.
As I sat in the waiting area, I noticed a cute guy sitting across from me who I recognized from a gay dating app. Damn, I could’ve asked him out but, ya know, syphilis. Eventually, my name was called and I accompanied an older female nurse down the hall.
She asked me a few standard questions and got a colleague to join her to help with the procedure — two long needles, one in each upper ass cheek. They would do it simultaneously to minimize the pain. I laid ass up on the bed as the thick fluid was injected into my ass. I got up, they reminded me not to have sex for two weeks, and I left.
I headed down the hill to my favourite noodle house, since I was in the neighbourhood. I walked in and saw my friend Steve sitting there. He waved and asked me to join him. As I sat down, I muttered, “Ow.”
“Syphilis shot?” he asked.
“Yep, how did you know?” I replied.
“Cuz we’re two blocks from the CDC and I always come here after I visit the clinic too,” he said.
Steve has much the same attitude as I do about sex. Free-spirited, debaucherous, accepting of risk. I was glad I ran into him, since sometimes I think my views are too far outside the norm and need a little confirmation bias.
I went without sex for the next two weeks. It was the longest I’d abstained in over a year. I lined up my dates for when my penile quarantine ended and I went back to living and having sex just as I had before.
My strategy worked. Frequent testing and treatment when needed prevented any of these STIs from ever becoming a serious issue. Gonorrhea? Take a couple of pills and it goes in a week. Syphilis? Get a couple of shots in the ass and it goes in two weeks. Furthermore, they had no impact on my quality of life. Okay, the no sex does affect my quality of life, but I could still go to work, hang out with friends, go to the gym and eat normally.
And yet, we freak out about STIs. Many guys feel dirty. We worry about notifying our partners and the reactions we might receive.
And we do whatever we can to avoid getting one, to the point of obsessing over STI prevention. It comes down to the shame we feel around sex. But I’m not going to play that game. I’m not going to freak out about getting an STI — I’m going to just shrug my shoulders and get the treatment.
I’m not going to do everything possible to avoid them; I’m going to accept them as natural, minor inconveniences associated with enjoying the sex for which our bodies are intended.
As for norovirus, however, I’m going to avoid that like the plague.
if you just used a condom this wouldnt happen now would it?
Wasn’t this article about slutshamming. People choose to not wear condoms people choose to wear them. You can still get syphilis when you use a condom. Unless you’re using a condom for oral or rubbing up against each other’s genitals you can never protect yourself from syphilis unless you’re absent and wear condoms for oral and dental dams for kissing. This article is written because of people like you
Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.
I’ve had it all. You’ve yet to experience Hepatitis B which will bring you to your knees (not in the good way). There’s also the possibility of catching one of the more antibiotic resistant strains of Syphilis or gonorrhea. Have fun, continue to get tested, but realize the risks are getting more dangerous.
With a profile name of Cumdump, it’s not surprising you’ve “had it all” … I’m 55 years old and have never had an std, cause I’ve been careful and don’t live my life for the purpose of draning cocks! Yes, I’m sexually active, but one need only use a bit of common sense to avoid catching sexually transmitted diseases!
Judge much, SPGroveGuy?
You’re on a dirty Pig hookup site
You’ve been careful and you’ve never gotten an STI you can still be careful and get an STI if you were actually educated on the topic you would know you can get things like the crabs scabies HPV unless you’re using condoms and dental dams for all interactions, I feel bad for you you live in the life of a robot
Thank you for writing this Kevin. Anyone who has experienced any STI knows how we are made to feel like we are the lowest of the low.
Great article with a strong point. Why do we stigmatize…period! Everyone has their own story and they must be accepted for who they are as long as they don’t hurt other or themselves. Diseases are a part of the living system. Jesus healed lepers!
Just a point of information. Gonorrhea isn’t always so easy to get rid of. My doctor prescribed two antibiotics which I took for a week but didn’t affect it. Then he tried a second combination, with the same result. He told me there is at least one new strain of the bacterium that resists most antibiotics. I needed a shot of an antibiotic I hadn’t heard of before it went away.
I think this is a great story and I think he has the right attitude about sti’s and the risks involved. Educate yourself on the different sti’s and their symptoms as well as the treatment options so you know what the risks actually are. Test regularly, use common sense when you’re meeting guys and most importantly be honest with other guys about your sexual health. If you think you may have something but you haven’t been tested yet don’t ignore it and hook up anyway.
There would be less of a stigma with sti’s if everyone were more upfront and honest about their sexual health.
Yes, even with the responses here from some of us it proves what you say. I guess the reason from what little responses you got from this post is STIs are seen to be preventable and is considered illness of non-responsibility. Its not like the flu or fever which cannot be prevented and you won’t know its happening when you catch it. My two cents worth. Have a good weekend ppl. 🙂
Wow the purpose of the article slip through your tiny mind. If you want to be totally safe and responsible don’t have sex with anybody you might get a cold sore or HPV from kissing so better not do that either
There are other STIs which are stigmatised as much or more than Syphilis. High on the list is HIV. For those who want to rant on, it is both preventable with PrEP and treatable if you have regular STI checkups. For example, Squirt and all other gay sites I have visited and created a profile, ask for your HIV status.
Do they ask for your tuberculosis status, your syphilis status, HepB status and probably other which are killers? No, they don’t.
So why do web sites continue to ask members for their HIV status?
To be consistent they should be asking for all members to list all their STI infections
HIV is the most stigmatized of all STI infections. It is preventable if PrEP is used and treatable providing you have regular checkups.
If you are +U then U=U. It is now just another chronic STI illness.
I really appreciate this article and your positive attitude toward your sexuality. I am an older guy now and not as sexually active as I used to be, but back in my time, I came to approach STIs with pretty much the same attitude. I learned as much as possible about the various diseases I could contract from sex, including prevention and treatment, and I took calculated risks. For me, that meant insisting on condoms when I bottomed, but I never held back on sucking dick and swallowing cum. I paid attention to my body, went in for treatment when necessary, and got tested regularly. And I refused to feel shame about any of it. I was also upfront with my medical caregiver (a non-judgmental guy — all caregivers should be this way) so that he could counsel me with full knowledge of my activity. I was fortunate — I have remained HIV negative, never contracted syphilis, and thanks to vaccines, never contracted hepatitus. I wish all you guys the same good fortune. Be smart, and have fun! You’ll be 60 before you know it — but sex is just as hot and abundant as ever, so don’t worry about that!
What an awesome article. I read the book for the few people about HIV stigma after moving to a rural area in a smaller province of Canada where there is no gay bar or gay area. It’s nice to see you there still lots of reasons to keep writing articles like this. I thought squirt was where you went for dirty gay sex and that plenty of fish was for the more refined. Four people that actually come on here and say bullshit about STIs and slot shame the guy who wrote the article