POZ.COM: In 1997, Tony Valenzuela was an up-and-coming LGBT rights activist, open about his HIV-positive status and viewed by many as a beacon of the movement’s future. But the goodwill soured when, during an impromptu speech at the Creating Change Conference, he talked about the gay sex that dared not speak its name: barebacking. “Naively, I did not believe it would be controversial to discuss openly what I knew many of us were experiencing privately,” he recalls. But controversial it was. Valenzuela was both pilloried and praised—which landed him in 1999 on one of POZ’s most memorable covers, riding a horse, sans saddle. Meanwhile, the term “barebacking” became branded, indelibly, into our discourse.
Much has changed on the HIV landscape since then, but our attitudes about gay sex remain stuck in the age of the dial-up modem. Just this year, New York City researchers Luis Freddy Molano, MD, and Renato Barucco released the results of their survey on the sexual habits of gay men who seek partners via hookup apps like Grindr. One finding made headlines as if it were a national scandal: Nearly half of them didn’t use condoms.
READ THE FULL STORY HERE!
Really? I get monogamous couples having condomless sex. I get that people are lonely and looking for a connection – but I don’t understand how having condomless sex allows people to overcome that.
We all have to ask ourselves “do I trust this person / these persons with my life?” If there is a shred of doubt, rubber up…it is that simple.
Even if you are in a ‘relationship’, do you really know what your partner is up to all the time?
My choice I know, but I don’t engage in anal at all. Why? 1. It doesn’t appeal. 2. I value my own health (and the health of others) to much. I am not prepared to take the risk.
The other thing is: get tested (on a regular basis) and know your status. Ignorance is not bliss.
Until the cure is finally released, sorry…no penetration in me or or me in him without a rubber. Not worth the risk. I’ve read the ads here and Craigslist. And the mindset and behavior keeps me looking vs hooking up. You can play with fire all you want. Maybe for years, sooner or later you will get burned somehow. Maybe not HIV but something. Sorry, none of us can say, but I’m Superman.
maybe it is time that we the gay men of the world take ourselves and our partners lifes in real trust, what the hell if you are in a relationship and screwing around go to hell… you are supose to be with the person that you want to take the ride to the noon with, so keep your pants on and take your load home to your love and share it with him, then you can throw the rubber away
was with my man for 17 years we had bearback sex from the get go I was a nurse he was a physical therapist in the dark ages tested every 180 days for about 8 years(hosp policy) he passed in 07 since if no condom no sex period
Have to admit, I absolutely love barebacking. I love the thought of that bare cock in my ass. Love the idea of him pulling out and me sucking his cock – my ass juices, his precum – yum! Love the feeling of his cock swelling and surging in my hole, knowing that his cum is spraying deep inside me. Makes me hard just thinking about it all. That’s why I love barebacking. Getting fucked with a condom on has all the same sensations in my ass, but not in my brain.
Having said all of that, while HIV is a reasonable focus, we would all do better to learn a little more about safer sex in general. HIV isn’t the only risk and getting tested for everything is worthwhile. Some of the other obvious ones that can pose a real threat to people’s lives and/or cause a lot of uncomfortable, and potentially lifelong, symptoms include: Hepatits, Syphillis, HPV (human papilloma virus leading to rectal and anal cancer), and Herpes. And while Chlamydia and Gonorrhea are both treatable (almost always), they can lead to significant problems while untreated and as a result of treatment.
Unless committed to NEVER using a condom, it would probably be better for all of us to talk more openly about our sexual histories and the risks we’re willing to take on. Mood killer maybe, but we can get past that a lot more easily than we can get past some of these other risks. Happy sex! Hopefully it can be safer, or at least more open and educated.
Amazes me how many guys think it is SAFE Sex with a condom. It’s only SAFER…ER….Er. Although HIV is now a chronic disease with discovery of all the medications, there is still a stigma attached. Have read that guys who are POZ and are on meds and are undetectable, are less likely to infect someone than guys who regularly have sex with men and women without protection. Some don’t get tested regularly because they trust people will tell them ( nievie ),don’t think it will happen to them, don’t want to know if they are POZ or have a STD or don’t want to disclose or deal with the stigma. Early detection is impotant and can be life saving.
*sigh* After 25 years of HIV and all the information available, why patronize? Safe sex is a personal choice!! Me, I can only be responsible for myself. Whatever other people do, is their business. When sexual practices don’t appeal to me, I just say “no, thank you” and walk away. If makes you feel better to patronize… go ahead!!
@homoerectus2k… Uhm, isn’t that post of yours just a tad bit patronizing?
I had some fears so I did the following I created a cream lubricant but it has a antibiotic fungicide with it I invented. It kill everything including all the superbugs.
@ash – you’re still acting like an hiv diagnosis is the end of your life or health. you know this isn’t the case anymore.
There are *many* options to reduce unwanted risks involved with sex.
Almost all gay men have oral sex without condoms and that’s a massively risky activity that most everyone has decided the risks are not big enough or concerning enough to consider oral sex with condoms to be necessary at all.
So are you following everyone else’s opinion’s about when to use condoms? Or are you thinking critically with the facts we have today on what sexual activities, sexual partners, what is it risk, and how big of a risk that is, and if that big risk is actually a tragic outcome or simply just undesirable?
As a paid-member of Squirt, I really can’t understand this site’s dangerous overt promotion of “barebacking, not just here on “Hold Your Horses” (with, predictably, three porn pics of barebacking to set the “why worry?” tone), but also in the “I’m into” section for filling out a Squirt profile, which is REQUIRED! Considering many new Squirt potential members might have trouble with that section (I did, and I’m a 53-years-old life-long gay male!), many new members might check the “barebacking” box because many of the other options are not actually normally within the gay experience. For example, where’s “cuddling” or “kissing,” “fondling,” or simply “I’m new to all this?”
In that sense, Squirt is promoting extreme and un-safe sex practices. And that gets worse when it comes to these periodic quasi-health notices about barebacking. Pardon me for feeling upset. I lost six close gay friends to AIDS during the late 1980’s-early 1990’s. I only survived, and remain totally healthy, because I wasn’t into anal sex and was very careful concerning sex with strangers. What prompted me to post this was that I notice a lot of young males, perhaps not fully-appreciating the real impacts of AIDS and HIV, putting “barebacking” on their profiles, despite the high risks involved. Do they think they’re immortal, or do they think there’s some, very twisted, social “cred” with ultimately being diagnosed as “Pos?” It’s very, very sad, tragic, and I really wish, in the names and memories of all who died, in the last two decades, that Squirt gets its act together and comes up with a more realistic presentation of this life-and-death issue within the gay community. Not for old farts like me, who lived through the AIDS plague, but more for the new generation of gay males who may not realize how deadly-serious this issue is for their long-term future.
The year 2000 has happened.
personally loved the pics! but anyway bb sex is good with a partner whom you know and trust OR know their status and react accordingly. I to lost friends in the early days in the UK and really blocked usre, it is 2000 but the virus is no respecter og timelines. The treatments are just that, not cures!
As a 15/year Survivor (originally diagnosed as being full-blown in 1998) I can only say that being topped raw is, in some small way, a chance of me taking back MY choice. I know I’m probably going to get hell for saying that but it’s just the way I see things. I have never engaged in sex without disclosing my status because the guy I was infected by didn’t tell me. I vowed, upon diagnosis, that this shit was going to end with me…i would never put anyone else at risk. Throw your stones if you want. Just the way this poz guy feels!
I expect that this topic will have some very strong opinions expressed. Here is my 2p worth.
I was involved for some years with sexual health education – specially HIV. Of the guys who were poz, about 2/3 were in relationships that they believed were monogamous. I do not know the current figures for this statistic. Anyone in the field know?
Guys who had experienced the death of many friends in the 80s and 90s tended to use condoms all or most of the time.
Guys under about 25 seemed to believe that HIV was curable or no big deal, even though neither is true.
Medication has come a very long way. It is now possible for most poz guys to lead a fairly normal life with only a few years’ less life expectancy than neg guys. However, a significant number cannot tolerate the side effects. Some are out of options – no combinations work for them any more.
Because poz people are now living rather than dying, the pool of HIV infection is larger than it has ever been. The chance that you are unknowingly having unprotected sex with a poz guy is higher now than it has ever been.
The risk of getting infected with the HIV virus via oral sex is very low, as is the risk from protected anal sex. The greatest chance of infection is from unprotected anal sex.
The 60s gave us sexual liberation, so I had unprotected sex in my teens, along with (almost) everyone else. As soon as it became known in the 80s that HIV was a virus transmitted via sex, responsible guys began to use condoms to protect themselves and others.
I really do not think unprotected feels any different from protected sex, having had lots of experience of both. Most of our sexual satisfaction is in the mind. By focusing on the sensations, we can all feel exactly the same level of pleasure whether our sex is protected or unprotected – it is simply a case of using your mind powers.
The spiritual and emotional connection with your partner is not affected by a thin sheath of rubber.
If you choose to smoke, you will suffer poor health, affect the health of others, and will die young.
If you choose to have unprotected sex, you risk affecting your own health and that of others, and you may shorten your life.
The choices are yours.
@ blockeduser
I am well aware that HIV/AIDS is not the death sentence it once was…but let’s not pretend falsely that contracting it and living with it is a walk in the park either. It is a chronic condition with medication causing (in some cases) terrible side effects. It is naive to think that HIV/AIDS is like living with a common cold…because it certainly isn’t.
I choose not to do anal at all because I am not prepared to take the risk. While I do engage in oral (occasionally) it is much less risky than anal providing you don’t let a guy cum in your mouth.
The harsh reality is, us guys just can’t do what we want, when we want…risk free. Therefore we need to do all that we can to protect ourselves and each other. I have loads of horny fun..but it is safe. Why take the risk when that risk can be easily reduced and / or avoided?
@Ariel_Sprite
I totally, totally agree with you. As a paid up member of Squirt too, I actually get offended by seeing ‘it’ promote overtly, bareback sex. It is high time ‘they’ fulfilled their responsibility by promoting safer sex only…especially for the post-80s generation!
@allthewayup
Brilliant post mate. I totally agree with you.