Whether you’re returning to bars after a long pandemic or if it’s your first time experiencing this gay hookup staple, dark-rooms can be a fun, titillating way to explore another man’s body.
Dark-rooms are a unique opportunity for your imagination to run wild without actually seeing who your hook-up partner is. Are you fucking the guy that you’ve been fantasing about, or are you just getting off on knowing it’s the opposite of Cheers – nobody knows your name, but everyone is glad you came!
In this article, we’ll examine what a dark-room is, how to navigate one, what the etiquette is, and we’ll also share some tips on how to ensure that you have a good time.
What is a Dark-room in a Gay Bar?
A dark-room is a small room or space in the back of a gay bar or club where you could get a bit of an anonymous action.
In North America, these are often referred to as backrooms, but in Europe the general term is a dark-room.
The precise history of dark-rooms isn’t particularly clear. Gay men have always found ways to connect with other guys and find spaces where everyone knows that sex happens, but the concept of a dark-room seems to have crystallised in the 70s.
This was the post Stonewall period – we had the twin forces of Gay Liberation and Sexual Liberation. Gay bars could promote themselves as gay bars, and within gay bars you could designate a space where sex happened.
Dark-rooms were perfect for guys who knew what they wanted but may have had to conceal their sexuality in their day-to-day life.
The size and functionality of a dark-room is generally shaped by the logistics of the available space – they can be little more than a storage cupboard, or an expansive area that includes a maze, props, and lighting effects.
The appeal of the dark-room experience is often reflected in bathouses or sex-on-premises venues. In the same way that a gloryhole wall at your local bathhouse means that you don’t have to go searching for gloryholes near you, a dark-room space at a sex-on-premises venue helps to cater to our need for some anonymous, sleazy fun.
While the golden era of dark-rooms pretty much ended in the early 1980s – as HIV took hold – you can still find dark-rooms in action in many cities around the world, particularly at sexed-up club nights where play spaces are created.
How Do I Find a Dark-room in a Hookup Space?
This is often a point of discussion when I’m travelling in Europe with friends. When you’re in a bar that you haven’t been to before, in a city that you’re maybe not familiar with, the conversation often turns to the question of whether or not the venue has a dark-room.
Sometimes, they’re super-obvious. But sometimes it takes a bit of exploring. If a bar has a dark-room, it’s generally at the furthest point away from the door, or near the toilets. It also helps to watch what the locals are doing – if guys seem to be making a beeline for a dark corner, that’s going to be worth investigating.
How Do I Navigate a Dark-room?
If it’s a dark-room that you haven’t been in before, it’s a smart idea to do an initial reconnaissance so that you know what you’re working with.
It’s helpful to know how much you’ll be able to see, how big the space is, and how busy it is.
Once you know what you’re getting yourself into, it’s always best to enter a dark-room with confidence but not without caution. You don’t want to barge into anyone, you don’t want to fall over. Positioning yourself on a wall is always a good starting point until you’ve got your bearings.
What is the Etiquette in a Dark Room?
Because the usual gay cruising cues like body language and eye contact generally aren’t available to you in a dark-room, you could find yourself in slightly uncharted territory.
You’re going to have to expect and be comfortable with unsolicited physical contact. But while the initial physical contact might be unsolicited, the importance of consent still needs to be respected.
If you want to discourage or put a stop to someone’s touch, you can move away or you can use your voice. A firm “no” or “stop” has a lot of impact in a dark space.
That applies equally if you’re the one making the contact. If you’re unsure if the guy that you’ve got your hands on is into it, simple verbal cues should confirm whether you’re on the right track. Ask him – “yeah?” or “you like that?” Whatever response you get will let you know where you stand.
How Dark is Dark?
Some dark-rooms are pitch-black and that can be fun, but personally I like it when there’s at least enough light to see what’s going on.
It pretty much varies from venue to venue, which is part of the fun but also why an initial reconnaissance is useful.
General Tips
Dark-room hook-ups are generally fairly rough and ready. You should generally expect that you’re signing up for a gay bareback hookup – trying to get a condom on in a darkroom is not easy and probably not a priority.
Having a small tube of lube in your pocket could come in handy.
Think about your phone, wallet, and any valuables. You’re pretty vulnerable in a dark-room and dark-rooms are often targeted by opportunistic pickpockets.
Have fun. Dark-rooms are part of our queer history and our queer culture. Celebrate the power of man-on-man physical need and Immerse yourself in the primal sexual energy of a dark-room.
The thrill of getting sex in dark backrooms or covert spaces often ties into having had to hide as a kid about one’s sexuality.
my darkroom experiences are at bathhouses, so we’re all in just a towel that can be removed easily… I’ll wait just outside of the dark room entrance until I see someone that I’m interested in enter
then I’ll closely follow that person and try to get my hands on him as quickly as possible
I agree that darkroom sex usually means bareback sex (thank you prep…)… and also usually means group participation, but I’m ok with that