What Can You Expect with Your First Gay Experience?


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While we might hear some gay ‘first experience’ stories and think that one’s first encounter could happen at summer camp, with a middle-school friend, or in a stereotypical moment of youth and self-exploration, for most of us it tends to be a bit more unpredictable and chaotic than that.

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Depending on where you’re at with the exploration of your sexuality, your first time with a guy might be when you’re young or when you’re fully grown. It might be spontaneous or it might be something that you’ve decided to make happen. It might be great or it might leave you wondering what all the fuss was about.

Just in case you think that your first gay experience could be in your near future, here’s a few hints and tips to think about.

It doesn’t have to be ‘Sex’

You might have a few preconceptions that are shaping your expectations, but a guy-on-guy sexual encounter comes in lots of variations. You could be thinking that gay sex equals anal sex, but most of us don’t attempt anal penetration first time around.

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We don’t have to be bound by anyone else’s definitions, but your first gay experience could be a blow job that you give or receive – see our tips on how to perform your first blow job – to some mutual masturbation with a buddy, or even cybersex between a gay mobile app screen and another user. In our books, it all counts as sex. If you find yourself in a situation with another guy and it feels like a moment of sexual intimacy between the two of you, then you can pretty safely chalk that up as your first gay experience done.

It might not be in a usual spot

When we think of a first-time hookup, there might not be a particular place that comes to mind. However, with a ‘normal’ hookup, it’s safe to assume that it could happen at their home, your place, your car, or – if you like a bit of risk – various cruising spots like a rest stop or a park.

But your first man-on-man sexual encounter doesn’t have to be limited by those location options. Preconceived expectations of where gay sex happens could be acting as a cock-block to you getting it on with another guy.

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Intimacy between men can happen anywhere and anytime – you just have to be open to the opportunities.

If you’re not sure where to start, then a gay bathhouse is going to put you where the action is. This might sound like jumping in at the deep end, but there is some logic to it. Going to a bathhouse will automatically put you in the proximity of men who are looking for a sexual encounter with a guy like you. Consent matters in a bathhouse – no one is going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do. You might just want to watch and see what goes on without actually doing anything. A bathhouse is a pretty safe space to learn a thing or two about sexual encounters between men.

Another good way to experience man-on-man intimacy – and to see if it’s something you want more of – is an erotic massage. Worst case scenario, you’re feeling relaxed after a massage. Best case scenario, that happy ending is just the beginning of your sexual journey.

A clumsy moment will happen

There’s no need to be embarrassed about a lack of experience when it comes to guy-on-guy action. There’s going to be clumsy moments. Even encounters between guys that have lots of sexual experience involve some negotiation, some trial and error, some mishaps and some laughs.

Sex should be fun and it’s always a bit of a journey of discovery – figuring out what feels good and who likes what where.

The biggest barrier to maximising your pleasure is going to be your own anxiety. We’re at our most vulnerable when we’re naked with another human, trying to navigate a sexual encounter. Just try and relax and enjoy the ride – there’s no right or wrong, it’s just about figuring out how to make the sexual connection between you as satisfying as possible.

It might not lead to a lasting relationship

Whether we like it or not, sexual intimacy brings with it some complicated emotions. The challenge is that the emotions that you’re feeling may not match up with the emotions that the other guy is feeling.

Just because you’ve had sex with a guy doesn’t mean that you’re dating, in a relationship, or that you’ll ever see each other again.

A sexual encounter that feels like a big deal to you may not necessarily have the same impact on the guy that you’ve just got naked with. That can easily mess with your head.

One way to acknowledge your emotional vulnerability and protect yourself a little is to try and articulate to yourself what you’re looking for from a sexual encounter with a guy. Before the hook-up, ask yourself what you’re looking for. Are you looking for a husband or just a quick pump-and-dump? Do you want this guy to remember your name or do you just want to service an anonymous cock through a glory-hole? A bit of self-awareness going into a hook-up just helps to manage your own expectations about what’s going to happen after he’s cum.

How to Prepare


You can have anal sex without douching, but if you’re not sure about how your body is going to react when a hard cock is shoved up your butt, then you might want to make sure that you’re clean and confident before getting down to business.

Use a Gay Dating Website or App

Put the technology to work. Hook-up apps not only have the geo-location functionality to help you connect with guys near you, but you can also chat beforehand to help ensure that you’re both on the same page.
If it is your first time or you’re relatively inexperienced, it’s generally a good idea to be up-front about that. Some guys will be really into that and will be more than happy to show you the ropes.

Use Local Cruising Spots

Cruising spots such as restrooms or parks are popular with guys who are exploring their sexuality or meeting their sexual needs without putting any labels on it.

Don’t Have Expectations

Your first gay sexual experience doesn’t define who you are or whether or not you’re good at gay sex. We’ve all got to have a first time so we can get to the next time and the time after that. You’ll have good sexual encounters, bad sexual encounters, memorable sexual encounters, and mediocre sexual encounters. Our need for sexual intimacy is just one facet of who we are and how we experience the world. It’s all part of the fun.

Written by Gareth Johnson

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  1. Lotta sound advice here. I kinda wish I’d known some of these things the first time. I could tell some stories…

  2. The joys of self-discovery and sexual awakening. Live freely without having to sneak around unlike many of us in the past who were raised in homophobic environments.

  3. Bathhouse is the best advice…my first was an older guy giving me a ride home one night, I still treasure that moment…he wasn’t pushy and I was nervous. He was really lovely

  4. Some very good advice here. My first time with a guy was at a state park restroom along a highway. I was in the restroom when another guy came in behind me and took hold of my cock and held it while I finished peeing. He then dropped to his knees and sucked me off. I was scared to death and at the same time, I was so horny.

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